15 nov ‘What does TIME mean for you?’
Deze prachtige tekst is geschreven door Stephanie, deelneemster aan ons Digital Nomad Programma. Ze verblijft al geruime tijd in Australië en schrijft liever in het engels. We delen hem hier omdat hij ons recht tot het hart sprak en jou wellicht ook inspireert om anders naar tijd en jezelf te kijken.
It’s a beautiful day, the air is warm, the sun is warming up my skin and it feels amazing. A perfect moment, right here, right now. I can feel sand sliding through my toes while I make my way down to the ocean. What meaning has time to me? When we humans invented time for the first time it started with the sundial. After that came the hourglass, but just like shadows, time vanishes and just like sand, time slips through our hands. With one blink of an eye our lives are over, and I am wondering why so many people spend their precious time on not living the life they dream of. Time is visible, yet untouchable.
My mind has its own time machine, so many years I’ve wasted my time living in the past, wishing I had made different choices. So many years I lived with my mind in the future. What will happen to me? Will I ever be ok? Now, I like to live in the present moment. Right here, right now is exactly where I need to be, and I trust that everything evolves by itself when the right time is there. I have walked this path to become the person who I am now and to know what I know now. Everything is already perfect to me and it can only get better.
My uniform is my naked self. I don’t like wearing bras or restrictive clothes like tight pants that cut into my skin. I don’t want to wear a uniform that is chosen by someone else, that someone else is telling me to wear. I like to be free, wild, and comfortable. I take breaks when I want to and all day it is potentially lunch time. I’ve rejected the 9 to 5 jobs. All we really own is our time. Time is the most important resource we have and at the end of the day it is the only resource we have. To me, having someone else dictate my time or have an authority word how my time is spent doesn’t resonate with me, the person who I am and how I want to spend my life.
I have worked several jobs and I wasn’t happy in every single one of them. I was literally miserable, each time, every day, every hour, every minute, every second. At my first job they taught me that time is money. The faster I did something, the more money my boss earned.
I worked at places where time just wouldn’t pass. All day I would wait for lunch break and after lunch break I would wait until I could go home, all this time watching the clock. And when that time was there I would drive home, eat and being too tired to do something else. With my head drunk and my body exhausted I’d fall asleep to wake up the next morning to do it all over again. I’ve worked at places where I worked so hard, the whole fucking day, running around, getting everything done, getting more patients in, doing more, more, more, just to fill someone else’s wallet.
There has been a time that I got down on myself because why couldn’t I be just like anyone else? Why couldn’t I do what they can? Why can’t I be normal and show others that I can work hard and be persistent. Am I lazy? Do I even belong in this society? Now I am glad that I can’t and never have been able to, no matter how hard and how often I tried. I am so happy that I am different. I now know that I don’t have to waste my time doing something I don’t like just to be able to sustain myself. We can always exchange our time for money, but we can’t buy back our time. There is this so-called book of time and some people are exchanging this book of time just to survive and we are exchanging this book of time for someone else’s dreams. I can’t and won’t participate in that. It has caused me a lot of pain and a lot of struggle, but I will be able to earn my money in my own time, on my own terms and in my own clothes. We have one life, live your own dream.
The water is carrying my beautiful curved body, that I spent so much time cursing. I’m floating, my ears are underwater and I can hear the ocean. Any tension in my body is drifting away, any negative thoughts are washed out, taken by the water into the deep. No fears, no doubts, only calmness and love, love for the world, love for all living beings and love for myself. I feel cleared, I feel cleansed and incredible relaxed and loved. Right here, it’s perfect. Just when I’ve reached the moment of complete emptiness a wave is lifting me up and is landing me on the sand. I’m ready for my life to unfold itself, living my dream.